Barlog Story
by Leviathos
Summary: The evil emperor of Victoria arrives, we will soon discover his... random adventures! Read along as Barlog and Cold Eye discover many aspects of the game! Please R&R!
1. Days of the Barlog

I have been a maple player myself, but I quit. Until now, I decided to remember my favorite times in Maple and decided to make this fanfic. Hope you like it!

Chapter 1- Days of the Barlog

In the deep caves, there hidden a secret place...

"Beasts and ghouls, ghouls and beasts! I present to you, the king! Behold! The Crimson Barlog!" announced the cold eye.

A horde of monsters cheered as the Crimson Barlog walked slowly to his throne. When he sit down, he lowered his hand in the air. The monsters grew quiet.

"All monsters... dismiss!" announced the cold eye.

As they scattered everywhere, the Crimson Barlog spoked, "Ahem... what are today's news, servat?"

The cold eye turned to Barlog. "Well, milord... no one has found out our secret meeting."

"That's good," said Barlog.

"But, these filthy humans have killed like a billion soldiers of our grand army," said Cold Eye, nervously.

"... WHAT!" cried Barlog, angrily, "When did this happen?"

"Why, everyday, my lord," he replied.

Barlog made a fist and hit his hand. "Those... stupid humans... why can't they never leave us alone?"

"It seems that they must be killing us because they think... it's fun."

"FUN!" screamed Barlog, "I will kill them all!"

"How are you going to do that, milord?" questioned Cold Eye.

Barlog thought. "Hmm... I don't know... it will be a lot of hard work..."

"And especially if there are about a million humans torturing us..." Cold Eye added.

Barlog had an idea, "I know! We will build a monster truck!"

Cold Eye was confused. "Monster... truck?"

"I'll equip it with big wheels and nitro booster. And I'll drive it and... RAMPAGE! Muahahahaha!"

"I'm sorry my lord, but... that sounds stupid," confessed Cold Eye.

"Hmm... you're right."

Then, a Tauromacis came in the throne room. "I'm sorry if I came in between your conversation," he apologized.

"No, go ahead and explain your purpose here," said Barlog.

Tauromacis bowed. "Thank you, sire. I've come to bring news that our treaty with the snail tribe have been burnt."

Barlog grew mad, "WHAT! How dare they... what is it with those snails?"

Tauromacis explained, "It seems that they had enough sacrificing their men to die off from the noobs. They decided to break away the treaty and leave the humans alone."

Barlog doesn't know what to do. "Is there anyway to get them back?"

Tauromacis handed him a letter, saying, "This is a letter from the snail tribe general."

Barlog took out his glasses and read, "This is a letter to Crimsom Barlog saying we will break the treaty. If you are reading this, you know we are not allies anymore and we will be departing to another island called the 'Peace Land', the land where humans and monsters live freely. There is no way we will be joining back with you at Victoria. You will need to find another group to fill our position."

After he read the letter, he stand up. "Well, this sucks. Now I have no army at the noob lands! How am I going to get rid of new travellers?"

Cold Eye gave a suggestion. "Why don't you send one of your men to the noobs land?"

Barlog looked at him. "You know what? I hear a promotion!"

Cold Eye got excited. "Does this mean I get to depart by myself?"

"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Tauromacis!"

Cold Eye looked down.

"Thank you, sire. But I haven't really done anything. I just spawned like 5 minutes ago."

"5 minutes old, eh? You are now... general of the noobs land invaders!" declared Barlog.

"Oh, this is an honor! What shall I bring to my camp?"

Barlog suggested, "Bring lots of mushrooms with you. A lot of mushrooms. Oh, and if you feel like it, maybe bring a wild cargo or two. I can never get to tame these animals."

Tauromacis left as Barlog sat down and Cold Eye looking up for news.

"Milord!" he said. Barlog replied, "What?"

Cold Eye answered, "I have some news for you..."

Barlog got angry. "Aw, now what could it be?"

"It seems that the stumps has a following... requests..."

Barlog wondered, "Now what else do these stumps want? We gave them axes! Now what?"

Cold Eye read the following, "Number one, they want another weapon stuck in them instead of an axe."

Barlog made a look. "What's wrong with axes being stuck on them? I think it looks great! What other weapons do they want? A blunt wand? Pssh..."

"Number two, they require smoother terrain for them. They say they walk too slow and wants to go on a snow landscape."

"Wha? They want to be in El Nath? These stumps are so stupid, I'm not the king of El Nath! Why don't they go ask Zakum or someone if they want to be in the snow?"

"Number three, they want a vacation."

"VACATION! You know I hate it when my men needs a vacation! I'm working full time, and I'm not complaining! Even you aren't!"

_I wish I could_, Cold Eye thought. "Number four, they want a stronger breed, robotic parts for better defense, spiky thorns for better attacks, and the revival of the Maple Tree..."

"Why do they need a Maple Tree?"

"It seems they added a note that the stumps used to be The Kings of Victoria," informed Cold Eye.

"Lies!" argued Barlog. "How could they possibly be in charge of Victoria when I'm around?"

"They won't give us any more information about the Maple Tree.," he said, "Do you think that Maple Tree could be the end of the world?"

Barlog was disappointed. "How could you possibly think that the Maple Tree would be the end of the world? This planet is freakin called Maple Stury!"

"Story, milord," corrected Cold Eye.

"Whatever!" Barlog was enraged, "Okay, I will give them wooden wands! In fact, wooden staffs stuck in their heads! Also, I'll reward them lots of steel plates for their 'robotic parts'! And we'll revive their stupid Maple Tree! Not only one, but we'll revive TWO Maple Trees! What else could they want?"

"Are you being sarcastic, milord?" wondered Cold Eye.

"No, I am not speaking in sarc-cuas-matistically-sism!" blabbered Barlog.

"I think you need a break," suggested Cold Eye.

Barlog layed down in his throne. "I think you're right. Too many stuff happened today. I'm gonna take a nap now."

"Yes, my lord. I will leave you alone now."

"And starting tomorrow, we will make plans for... my monster truck!"

As Cold Eye left the room, a Tauromacis came to him.

"How was your day?"

"You don't want to know," he complained.


	2. Barlog's Discovery

Chapter 2- Barlog's Discovery

"Wrench," ordered Barlog.

"Wrench," replied Cold Eye, handing a wrench to Barlog. Both of them were busy building their monster trck.

"Woah... we're done," said Barlog, wiping his chest. The monster truck was really big. It's blue, a few flames, and vast wheels.

"This monster truck is... amazing!" complimented Cold Eye.

As Barlog went inside, he asked, "How do I look riding this baby?"

Cold Eye gave a look, "Well, the monster truck look smokin hot, but... you kinda... ruin the pcture."

Barlog gave a nasty look, "You dare say this baby is not right for me?"

"No no, milord. I'm saying it's just... your body doesn't fit well..."

Barlog looked down. "Well, how am I supposed to fit in the style?"

Suddenly, Tauromacis rushed in with news.

"Sorry, but I have... woah, nice cakes."

"Shut up and state your purpose here!" commanded Barlog.

"Okay... this is bad news," he said. "Somehow, these humans we're fighting right now have some kind of magical armor."

"Magical armor?" asked Barlog.

"Are you referring to magician armor?" suggested Cold Eye.

Tauromacis explained, "No, I mean real magical armor! It was a warrior with no helmet and a red, disgusting hair style."

"Red hair?" puzzled Cold Eye.

"There are red-headed people?" asked Barlog.

"He also have a weird body armor. Not to mention, my soldiers said his head is as hard as orihalcon!"

"Impossible!" cried Barlog. "What kind of sacred magic are they using?"

Cold Eye recognized this situation before. "You know, there had been news about weird looking people with odd looking clothes and invisible armor..."

What Cold Eye said surprised Barlog. "No way! When did-"

"Ahem." Tauromacis was trying to get attention. "Oh, I'm really sorry. Please continue," apologized Cold Eye.

Tauromacis took out something in his pocket. "I've managed to take a picture of this human I've explained to you, your majesty." Barlog went down to get the picture.

When both Barlog and Cold Eye saw the glimpse of the human player...

"Aw! Nasty! What kind of a human is he!" screamed Barlog.

"Ugh! How horrible! Who would do such a thing?" cried Cold Eye.

Tauromacis took the picture away. "I'm sorry you had to see that..." apologized Tauromacis.

"Eh... you did a good job filling the description of this mystery, Tauromacis. You may be dismissed," ordered Barlog.

Tauromacis bowed down and left.

"Cold Eye," he called, "What world do we live in?"

"Maple Story, my lord," he answered.

"Well, we gotta find out where they get their armor and crap. To the ghost ship!" he ordered.

"Remember? Your clones are still using it to bring havoc to air travelling humans..."

"Oh, yeah... um... To the... How am I supposed to go across the land without those humans hunting me down?"

"Why don't you call your friends?" suggested Cold Eye.

Barlog had an idea. "I know! Thanks for your help, counselor!"

Cold Eye felt good about himself until...

"We will torture a player and beat him up till it will spit us some answers!"

Cold Eye gave a look. "But that's not what I suggested..."

Barlog ignored him as he went away.

After all the events that you don't want to hear capturing a player, Barlog is now having a conversation with a purple headed player.

The human woke up, "Ugh... where am I?" He found himself in a dark room with a few Tauromacis, a Cold Eye, and a Barlog.

"Ahh! Log out! Log out! Log out!" he cried.

Barlog slapped him, "Shut up! This is a map where normal human players can't log out!"

"Woah... you guys can talk! I must be... oh no! I only have 134 HP left! HELP!" he cried, miserably.

Barlog whispered to Cold Eye, "How come he has low HP?"

"It's because you touched him, milord," he whispered back.

"Oh, yeeeeaaaah... I forgot, heh..." he turned to one of his Tauromacises. "You!"

"Yes, your majesty?" he replied.

"Elixir, chop chop!" Tauromacis handed Barlog the Elixir. He then threw the Elixir at the player.

"Wow... you must be nice monsters... and you throwing an elixir at me hurts in reality..."

"Okay, purple man... what is your name?"

The player sighed, "My name tag is below me."

"Good day, Below Me," Barlog said.

Cold Eye whispered to Barlog, "He's talking about his name being below him literally, my lord."

Barlog looked and read, "T3th3r1ss... wouldn't that actually be named Tetheriss?"

Tetheriss explained, "Well, my name would be Tetheriss if I had played this game earlier."

"Okay..." Barlog walked around him. "What job are you?"

"A Spearman." he answered.

"Okay..." Barlog looked at Tetheriss's face with an ugly look.

"You know... it would be more nicer if you keep your ugly face off my cool hair?"

"Ugly face? Cool hair? You're the one who's ugly here!" He turned away.

"Tell me... what's your secret behind your invisible armor?"

Tetheriss was confused, "Invisible armor?"

"You know! The thing with a hard thing head and the weird-looking thing and the hair thing!"

"Thing?" asked Cold Eye.

"Thing!" screamed Barlog.

"You know... I've seen many ugly monsters in my game past, but you guys are the weirdest..."

"Shut up and tell me where you get those magical items!"

Tetheriss thought about it. "Oh! You mean the cash shop items!"

"Cash shop items?" asked Cold Eye and Barlog.

Tetheriss explained, "Cash shop items are rare items meant to be used for fame and other features of Maple Story. They can only be bought using NX cash."

"Okay..." said Barlog, "And how much mesos does this "NX cash" cost?"

"Oh, it doesn't cost any mesos. You need real American dollars."

Everyone is confused, "What is this 'Amallicon dollas'?" asked Barlog.

"American dollars," corrected Tetheriss.

"Whatever..." he continued, "Can you give us those 'Amaricun Dollurs' to us?"

"WHAT!" Tetheriss cried angrily, "No way I'm giving money to these... monsters!"

"Oh, you will..." Barlog stepped closer, "When you die here, you won't go back to the nearest town..."

Tetheriss gulped.

Barlog continued, "You will keep spawning here and here, and you will keep losing experience and keep dying, dying, choking, dying, dying, crying, and dying."

Tetheriss started crying, "Nooooo! I don't want to be stuck here forever and get raped by these ugly monsters!"

Barlog and Cold Eye twitched their eyes. "Whadda you mean rape? No one said anything about raping. We're just... you know... monsters. We only kill," said Barlog.

"Oh..."

Barlog slapped Tetheriss again. "Ow! What was that for?"

"That... for not keeping this story clean. Sheesh... you humans are filthy!"

"Elixir... please..." Tetheriss was about to die, since he now has 2 HP.

Barlog sighed, "Throw one at him."

Tetheriss's face got smacked by an elixir bottle, healing him. "Please, don't do that again..."

Barlog was getting impatient. "Okay! Enough chit chat! I want those Amaricun Dollus! NOW!"

Tetheriss "gift" Barlog about 30,000 NX cash. The process took 2 hours.

"What took you so long?" complained Barlog.

"Sorry, but... after this fuss and your request... I need a hacking program to actually give you NX cash," he explained.

"Well, at least I have cash now..." said Barlog, "Now what?"

"You go to the Cash Shop."

"Okay, thanks for your help... now, put him in the unloggable dungeon cell!"

"HEY!" cried Tetheriss, as he as being pulled by two Tauromacises.

"What are we gonna do now, milord?" questioned Cold Eye.

"We will attack... after lunch! Taurospear! Get me... my daily special, chop chop!"

A Taurospear with a chef hat came in with a tray of baby green slimes. He placed the trat down near Barlog. As Barlog grabbed a slime, he looked at it.

"Please don't eat me! Have mercy!" it cried.

Barlog had something in his mind and said, "Aww... aren't you one of the cutest goo I've ever seen?"

The slime looked up, "Really?"

"...Cute enough to eat!" he swallowed the baby slime whole in his mouth. "Man... you guys got to try these..."


	3. Journey to the Cash Shop

Chapter 3- Journey to the Cash Shop

"All troops..." announced Cold Eye, "Assemble!"

Cold Eye was preparing the formation of the Tauromacis and Taurospears as Crimson Barlog was walking around the army.

"Excellent army formation, Cold Eye," he complimented.

"Well..." he replied, "I've been doing-"

Barlog interrupted, "Alright, prepare yourselves!" He ignored Cold Eye again.

Barlog announced, "This war may be the ultimate war. We will fight with our pride! We will fight for the Cash Shop!" The army stood silent. Barlog was disappointed.

"Come on, guys! Get with your bad side!" he yelled. A Tauromacis in the army raised his hand. "What now?" Barlog answered.

"Umm... what are we supposed to do in the Cash Shop?" As he said the question, the army thought about it and scattered around. "Order!" commanded Barlog. The army was loose.

Barlog shaked his head. "Now what am I supposed to do? I got no army to help me with the Cash Shop! What if there are fiends lurking in there? What will await me?"

Cold Eye sighed, "Why don't you just check and run back? I mean, it's only one click away."

Barlog looked up. "Cold Eye, you're a genius!" he complimented.

Cold Eye felt good about himself. "Well, I don't know about genius, eh-"

"Why don't you go check the Cash Shop?" he asked.

"What? Why me?" he argued.

"Because... I own you," he replied.

Cold Eye sighed, "Fine..." As he blinked away, Barlog just stood there.

"Hmm... wow, Crimson Barlog, you handsome man! I'll defnitely go out with you!" He was talking to himself.

"Hmm... I don't know about handsome, but you are one hot Mushmon, yeah..."

"Back."

"Awugah, wha!" He got shocked as Cold Eye came back, quickly and unexpectedly.

Cold Eye sighed again. "You were talking to yourself, were you?"

"What! No, way! Why would I talk to myself? I think it's boring. And lame," he said.

"Well, I went to the Cash Shop..."

"And?"

"... There was no one there. It's empty and there's bunches of boxes with tags and NX prices. I doubt there will be someone guarding that place," he said.

"Well, good for me! I will be on a shopping spr- wait a minute... are you sure you're not lying to me?"

"Wha?" Cold Eye was puzzled. "I'm your counselor! I never lied to anyone in my life!"

Barlog looked at him with a suspicious face. "Well, just to be sure... I'll check it out and come back real quick. And I better not catch you talking to yourself like me! I mean, er... I'll be back!"

As he clicked away to the Cash Shop, he found himself in a white place...

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"

Barlog looked around. "Ahh! What was that?"

"A Crimson Barlog! What are you doing here?"

"A Crimson Barlog! Aaaaaaaaaahh! Someone save us!" Barlog screamed. Until he met his common sense.

"Hey... I'm the Crimson Barlog! Wait, why is someone here?"

"Eeeeek! Get away, get away!" she screamed. Barlog spotted a human female almost... you know.

"Aaaaah! Disgusting! Run away!" Barlog clicked away back home. He found himself back at the army assembly hall.

"So..." Cold Eye came to him. "Did you find anything interesting?"

Barlog yelled at him. "You freakin liar! Someone was in there!"

Cold Eye was confused, "What? But I-"

"Now I don't trust you anymore..."

"Does that mean I can quit?" asked Cold Eye, cheerfully.

"Quit? Psshh... I need you!" refused Barlog. "And since you lie to me, how am I supposed to go in the Cash Shop without being harmed?"

Cold Eye sighed, "You can't get hurt."

Barlog rubbed his head. "What are you talking about?"

Cold Eye explained, "While you were eating your slimes and daydreaming, I was researching about this Cash Shop. It seems the Cash Shop is nothing but another dimension to spend off NX Cash for really rare items. You can't get hurt, comfort, or anything you can feel physically."

"Wow, you sneaky ghoul!" he complimented.

"But what that doesn't get me is this. There's always a room for every being. Basically, I went in and no one was there. You said someone was there, right?"

"Yeah... the female was ugly, too. Well, to us," he said.

Cold Eye thought about it. "So... I'm guessing... the room I went to is probably owned by another human... and now making sense."

"Sensei? My master's here!" Barlog cried.

Cold Eye looked at him. "Are you sure you're the evil emperor of Victoria?"

"Yes, I am!" he said.

"Anyway... I think there's only a room for each human being! Yeah, that's it! And they have no dimensional rooms for monsters! Now it all makes sense!"

"Now can we get back to conquering the Cash Shop?" whined Barlog.

Cold Eye grew silent. "... WERE YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ME AT ALL!"

"Well, I did recall the room thing."

"Okay. So now, all ou have to do is go back and-"

"GO BACK! Are you nuts? What if the person-"

Cold Eye sighed yet again. "The human cannot attack you, once again, my lord."

"Well... now can I go back?" asked Barlog.

"Do whatever you need to. The Cash Shop journey was your idea."

As Cold Eye left, Barlog clicked to the Cash Shop.

"Hello!" he shouted. The place was dead silent.

"Well, time to do-"

"Ah! Now to spend off my new money!" Barlog heard a voice. As he turned, he saw a human looking somewhere.

_Oh, no!_ he thought. _I must hide and keep quiet!_

Barlog hide behind the boxes as peeked at the human female. _How horribly ugly!_ He thought in his mind.

"Wow, this looks nice. I wonder what will the other guys say," she said. As Barlog cannot bear to look at the human, he somehow had an urge to attack the human. _No! I can't fight in the Cash Shop! _As he thought, he found something else that amuses him.

The female human was still looking for some cash items. "Hmm... I don't know what to get..." she said, talking to herself. As she walked across the room, she saw something behind her...

"Yo! Sup and welcome to the Cash Shop!" yelled Barlog, trying to act like someone else. The girl got shocked as she saw a big guy in a bling-bling gangsta clothing.

"Umm... hi? And who are you? You can't be here!"

"Yo yo yo, dawg! I was just cruisin' around this place till I find these boxes with some kewl stuff. Say, the name's B-Dawg! Yours?"

"Umm... my name tag is under me-"

"Sup, Under Me!"

The girl sighed, "I mean under me literally."

Barlog looked and read the name, "h071z4ngel? I'll call you H-Homie."

"Okay... please, don't call me that. Just call me Angel," she said.

"Angel, eh?"

"And how did you ever get in here with me? I mean, it's not like two people can be in the same Cash Shop," she said.

Barlog don't know what to say, "Umm... I... uh... hacks?"

"That means you must be... NX hacking!"

"No no no, you got it all wrong!"

"Then what's with you in this room, all those stuff you're wearing, and you being all big! That's really weird, and impossible..."

"Well, it's just... I gotta go, see ya!" Barlog left the room. "Hey! I'm not done with you!"

Barlog found himself again in the same army assembly hall. "Wow, milord! You look awesome!"

It was Cold Eye. "Ugh... Cold Eye..."

"Yes?"

"Remind me not to go back there again."

Barlog and Cold Eye told the army to get Barlog's monster truck ready.

"Well, Cold Eye. With all my hard work and your little, tiny support-"

"Whatever."

"We will be riding this baby soon!" said Barlog, rubbing the monster truck. "And don't forget how awesome I look in this gangsta suit!"

"Looks like we're ready to depart soon, my lord. I'm going to bed," said Cold Eye, leaving the dungeon garage. Barlog slept in the truck.


	4. Kerning for Life!

Chapter 4- Kerning for Life!

"I still can't believe this monster truck can jump and surpass many obstacles," said Cold Eye. Barlog and Cold Eye were riding on the monster truck, killing many monsters and players along the way.

"Hey, Cold Eye! Did you see the look on that Level 13 noob when he saw us coming?"

"Sire, I don't know how to say this, but I think you should stop," said Cold Eye.

"Stop? But the fun is just starting!" cried Barlog. He was driving across the swamp.

"Not only you've killed many humans, but as well as the monsters!" Cold Eye pointed out. "Look, Barlog! You're now running over those poor Jr. Neckis!"

"Aaah! I was just spawned!" cried a Jr. Necki. Barlog stopped the truck.

"... Well, how am I supposed to drive through these places!"

Cold Eye suggested, "You could try walking... or flying."

"Walking and flying? Psshh... I rather be driving!" He started the truck and kept driving.

"Eh... like what most monsters said... nothing can stop you... in many meanings..."

After an hour drive, the truck can't go any furthur. "Come on, you stupid truck!"

"Would you suggest... that your so called baby has run out of gas?"

Barlog hit the steering wheel. "Great! Now, how am I suppose to drive this baby around the island?"

"Well, you can go to Kerning City to buy some fuel, I mean, it's right next to us."

"Kerning City! Why that place? It's filled with humans!" cried Barlog.

"And they consider you as one, since you're still in your Cash Shop clothes?"

"Oh, oh yeah! I forgot," said Barlog. He went out of the truck. "I want you watching over my truck, Cold Eye. You got that?"

Cold Eye lay down. "Yeah, sure. Whatever..."

Barlog found a door saying, "Door to Kerning City." The door was small for him, but still managable to fit through.

"PQ! Accepting PQ!"

"Trading fame!"

"Doing PQ! I got track!"

It was a crowd near the sewer. Barlog was still slipping himself through the sewer hole. "Help! I'm stuck!" he yelled. The noise out there was too loud. "Help! I can't get out!" he cried, but still no reply.

"Wanna go to the PQ, Angel?"

"Nah, I need to train more. I'll be going to Sleepywood, okay?"

"You sure? Going through the swamp is hard, I mean, it's filled with-"

"Jr. Neckis, I know. They aren't that hard. I could kill them easily! Sheesh, stop treating me like a noob, bro."

"Okay, well, I'm off."

"Bye, bro. Now off to the sewers." As she goes up in the sewer pipe line, she heard a noise. "Help!"

"Help?" she asked. "Is someone in there?" she yelled inside the sewer pipe. "Help me! I'm stuck!" Angel saw a hand sticking out of the pipe.

"Woah! Don't worry, I'll pull you out!" She grabbed Barlog's hand and pulled. "Ugh, you're heavy!"

"Sorry about that! And I appreciated if you try pulling harder!"

"I'm trying! And don't make a statement like that!" She pulled her hardest. Then, friction on Barlog got loose. The crowd outside saw a huge guy got out of the sewer. "Ugh... my head..."

"...HEY! I know you! You're that hacker!" When Barlog gt up, he recognized Angel, the person who still thinks that he's a human player.

"Please, I'm not a hacker. Maybe I got in there and met you by a coincidence."

"Anyway, what brings you here?" Angel asked.

Barlog remembered. "Yeah! I need fuel for my mons- I mean, quest."

"Fuel? I didn't know they sell fuel here," she said.

"Well, I better find a place that actually sells fuel. I gotta go now-"

"Wait!"

Barlog looked at her. "Please, I gotta go! I don't have time for this. I need to hurry..." Barlog left off to somewhere in Kerning. Angel just stood there. "Who are you?" she whispered quietly, talking to herself.

Barlog was still searching for a fuel store. "Man, I hope I don't talk to a human that long ever again. And where is that damned store?" He saw an NPC just sweeping the porch in front of his store.

"Excuse me..." Barlog said.

"Yes, my good man?" the NPC replied.

"Do you happen to have some fuel for mobiles?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, but I believe you can ask the taxi man for fuel. In fact, he might have lots, since he always offer to take someone to another city," he answered.

"Okay, thanks for your help," said Barlog, then left the NPC off to find the taxi man. The search took him only 10 minutes. He found an NPC leaning on the taxi.

"Excuse me sir, but-"

"Do you have a job?"

"Job? I'm... uhh... a Hero?"

"Then the ride will cost you lots of money," the NPC said.

"No, I just need fuel. That's all!"

"Fuel? I buy fuel, I don't sell."

"Well, where can I buy fuel?" Barlog asked.

"You have to ask Chris, Kerning's smither. He can burn ores and minerals, then smith them to fuel."

"Where is he?" he asked. The NPC pointed at the top of the building. "He works right over there."

"Heh, thanks."

"No problem, kid."

As Barlog left, he found a spot where nobody would spot him flying. He landed on the roof, and found the door leading to Chris's smith shop.

"Man, I got lots of ores, minerals, plates, and jewels and I don't have any idea what to do with them-"

Barlog fell down from the door, since it's small. Just not as small as the sewer pipe.

"Well, look it here! A customer! Whadda you want?" said Chris, excitedly.

"I need fuel, for my... umm... truck."

"Fuel, eh? The ore hunting isn't necessary, because I have what I needed. What I needed is money!"

Barlog asked, "How much is the fuel?"

"Since my shop is almost too secret, I'm guessing... 15 million mesos!"

"Okay, here you-" he was shocked by the price, twitching his eye. "15 million mesos! Are you crazy for money!"

"Well, it's just... I haven't had any customers in a long time. And you know, I opened this business to help my family. I can make money easily! It's just... Kerning cannot afford me a better selling stall. The only place I can afford is this shed. I'm really sorry, but that's how low I can go."

Barlog looked down. "I-I... I'll go get the 15 milllion for you..." he cried.

"Really!" said Chris, "I mean, you don't have to..."

"Nah, it's okay. I mean... I've been bad sometimes, but I think I should at least repay someone." Barlog went up to the door."

"Wait, sonny!" Barlog looked.

"What's your name?" asked Chris.

Of course, Barlog didn't want to say his real name, so he had to come up with one. "Call me... Barl."

"Good luck on your journey, Barl! I'll start making that fuel you wanted!" Barlog left the shed and thought where he could get that much money.


	5. Kerning for Life! Part 2

Chapter 5- Kerning for Life! Part 2

"Hmm... I'm broke... I owe Cold Eye... the army's in debt... this is harder than I thought..." He was sitting on a bench. He doesn't know where he could get money. He does not even want to tell Cold Eye that he's helping a human.

"Where can I start finding money?" He tried thinking, but lots of noise from the sewer place kept distracting him.

"PQ! Need one more!"

"PQ requests are welcome!"

"Need PQ!"

"Joining PQ! I have track!"

"PQ for level 20 noobs!"

"Anyone want a mustard sock?"

"Need PQ!"

Barlog can't stop hearing the noise. "Argh! Can't they ever stop!"

"Hey, you! The big guy!" Barlog looked up. It was three humans. Two guys and a girl.

"Whadda you want, you humans?"

"I don't think he will join us," said the girl.

"But look at him! He's strong to be able to beat up the King Slime-"

When Barlog heard the name, King Slime, he remembered! "King Slime!" Barlog shouted.

"Yeah, wanna join us?" asked the party leader.

Barlog had a plan. Since they still think that he's a human, the plan is full-proof. "Sure, I'll join you," said Barlog.

"Okay, the name is Jack!" said the party leader.

"And I'm Ray!" said the girl.

"And that guy," pointed Jack, "is Don." He was just standing there, quietly.

"Don't worry about him, he's just shy to new people. He always chat buddy," explained Ray.

"Well, my name is Barl," said Barlog. He and Jack shook hands.

"Welcome to the party! I'm sure you'll be a worthy addition!" complimented Jack.

Even if Barlog hates humans, he has to help them, in order to get fuel for his monster truck, which I think is completely useless. Barlog, somehow, felt touched. He just has to get rid of that emotion, even if he's a programmed to be a monster.

"Well, we're here!" said Jack. Barlog and the others found himself in the PQ place. Barlog mostly kill, since he's awesome at that. Jack, Don, and Ray were amazed by his solo-handed combat. It took only half an hour to reach to the King Slime.

"Okay, we're almost at the King Slime. All thanks to Barl!"

Barl went up to Jack. "Let me handle the King Slime, by myself!"

The others were shocked. "What!" they said, except for Don.

"Barl, my man, we appreciated for what you have done for us! But I think it will take all of us to kill this king slime!"

Barlog looked down, "I know... but... this time... I need to be alone. I need to fight King Slime alone."

"Barl, what is wrong with you!" cried Jack. "Don't get crazy fighting the King Slime by yourself!"

"Just leave me alone, you humans! In fact, I think you should leave now!" cried Barlog. He can't take it anymore, the adventuring with humans.

"Barl..." said Ray. She, along with Jack, don't know what to say.

"Barl," said Don. Ray and Jack were shocked that he finally spoke to a stranger.

"Hm?" Barlog noticed that Don talk. "Yes?" he replied.

"... Good luck..." he said. Barlog, again, felt touched. He just stood there while the other party members left. He then came off out of his Cash Shop costume and went to the arena.

"Raaaaaaaahh! I am the- where is everyone?"

"Hey! King Slime! Remember me?" King Slime saw Barlog, without his costume.

"Wow, Crimson Barlog! You came here just to see me? Even if it risks you hanging out with those humans?"

"Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. Say, will it be alright if I borrow... you know... mesos?"

"Sure! I have 50 million mesos to spare! How much you need?"

"50 million mesos! Really! You don't know how thankful I am!" cried Barlog, happily.

"Well, I've been having a part-time job. And I'm always a loyal friend!"

"It's good to meet you, again!"

"Yeah, and I gotta go back. I don't want to leave Cold Eye wait for me at my monster truck-"

"Monster truck! Oh, really?"

"Yeah, really!"

"No, way! Heh, gotta love that line." said King Slime.

"Well, see ya!"

"Bye, Barlog, my man!"

As Barlog left King Slime's place, he was back at Kerning City and...

"Aaaaahh! Crimson Barlog!"

"Oh no!" He quickly hide away and changed back to his Cash clothes. Nobody knew where the Crimson Barlog went.

"Okay... now to go get mah fuel," he whispered to himself. He went up back to the shed where Chris is at.

"Well, here's all the money you want." He dropped bundles of money, worth 15 million mesos, on the floor.

"15 million mesos, boy! You actually got them! Ah, now this is just a miracle!" he cried. Barlog didn't say anything.

"Thank you so much, Barl! You've really helped my family! In fact, you've helped a lot of people you can never imagine! Thank you so much, boy!" cried Chris. "I have your fuel right there!" he pointed at boxes of it.

"Wow... thanks, Chris. This is actually a lot than I want-"

"Don't worry about the quantity. That much of fuel can give four round trips of Victoria!"

"... I gotta go..." said Barlog.

"Thank you again, young man!"

"No... problem..." Barlog left. He walked, finding his way to the sewer pipes.

"Hey! It's Barl!" Barlog looked, and it was Don, Ray, and Jack.

"Yo, Barl!" said Jack.

"Hiya, Barl!" said Ray.

"How was your battle?" asked Don.

"Pretty easy, to say the least. Oh, yeah! I also got these for you, guys!" Barlog gave them 10 million mesos each.

"Barl! Are you sure! That's... a... lot!" cried Jack.

"Hmph, I don't really need it. You can have it."

The three were looking at their money.

Don spoked, "Thanks, Barl. But I really don't want..." As he looked up, he left.

"Barl..." he said, quietly.

Barlog was just walking down the street. He then saw a little girl, crying. He looked at her. Normally, he would laugh at her pity, but... he was busy with lots up stuff today. Barlog went up to the girl and stared at her. When the girl looked up, she was frightened by the huge body. She fell down, crying some more. Barlog closed his eyes, and left. The little girl didn't know what was that all about, but she found a bag of mesos worth 5 million. She was surprised... and happy.

Barlog doesn't know what to think about. He just walked quietly. He went through the really small sewer pipe line with no trouble at all. He went to fill his monster truck with fuel. When he was done, he went up on the driving seat, and sit there quietly.

"Eh? Oh... it's you... Barlog..." said Cold Eye, who woke up when Barlog went in the truck. "Took you long enough. So, how was your trip?"

Barlog didn't want to share the story with Cold Eye. So he did the best thing he could do...

"I beat up the store guy and took all his fuel," said Barlog.

"Heh... always the violent way, eh, Barlog?"

"Shut up, Cold Eye. And sit up right, I'm ready to drive!" he yelled.

"Sheesh..." complained Cold Eye, putting on his seat belt.

Barlog drove away from the swamp, soon to hitting on dry land...

"Hey! I thought this fanfic was supposed to be funny!"

Shut up, Barlog.


End file.
